I saw it. It’s alive. It was huge.

So yeah. Saw Cloverfield last night. Saw it with the parents in a surprisingly empty theatre. Perhaps most were swayed off by the numerous warnings of possible motion sickness given it’s frantic hand-held cinematography (I got a kick out of one warning which specifically said the movie will "make you feel like you’re in a roller coaster.) But my parents were troopers. Although Dad fell asleep as the beginning was boring as balls. The goal was to have the audience immersed into the back-story of this set of friends, whose names I cannot remember, so that their actions/decisions later in the movie have a credible rational in spite of the giant monster attacks the city. A monster who was never really given a name but if i were to go with it descriptively, i’d call it "testicle cheeks". (Now does that make you wanna see the movie all the more?) Thought it was alright. Figured it could use more of the following:

• Profanity - Did this not take place in New York? Don’t they curse like it’s a comma? Just characters screaming "HOLY ASS SHIT FUCK-FUCKERTON DUDE!" at every corner. "We have to climb 40 floors by stairs? Sonofafuckface assfuck fuckaroo man!" You get me.
• Common Sense - Did testicle cheeks happen to step on ALL cars? You New Yorkers really love walking.
• Cinema Ushers with Nerf Bats - To painfully yet quiety assault the guy behind me, complaining of a movie projector problem upon seeing the "opening credits".

Nothing much to say about the monster. I like to think the creators were trying to do to amphibious arachnids what King Kong and Godzilla did to primates and reptiles. Even with the money shot towards the end, it’s hard to really make out the details. As if they want word of mouth descriptions to also be a mess. But the movie as a whole was not so much of a mess. I’m glad they actually put more thought into the movie than the viral marketing. With comparisons to a film of a similar methodology, The Blair Witch Project, being inevitable, Cloverfield was only less annoying. Sextape scandal cinematography at it’s best.

This Is Relevant to My Interests Part II

The digital camera enables us to reminisce immediately. ‘Look at us. We were so young!’

- Demitri Martin

I just bought my 8th camera. Bite on that and chew it for a bit. It’s actually not that big a deal. Least I think so. Everything is also a camera these days anyway - phones, laptops, grapefruits. Difference with me is that quality rises in accordance to quantity. Somehow that lead to me having 8 cameras. 

In this day and age of social networking, images and photos would probably be easiest to relate as a sort of currency. It contradicts the initial notion that you partake in social networking sites because you have no life by decorating it with evidence refuting that. Unless your pics are of you social networking. I’d imagine the universe would implode.

Works as a bragging right too. Because a shirt that says "London" really means dick to me. A photograph of you there makes for a more accurate souvenir. I like to think it also dares you to live a little. I don’t want to be said sad social networking example above.

Dunno why I’m being so defensive about this. Why should I? I never bug you on why you have so many shoes do I? I know some of you are already frowning at the fact that I have an unnecessary number of cameras but I also noticed you’re the same people who rely on me for a decent pic of you at any given event anyway.

See. I’m right. Ha! Bleh!

(I’ve also figured that maybe all these cameras are really just to distract you from the real issue.)

This Is Relevant to My Interests Part I

I remember an Engadget article quoting Steve Jobs on how he see’s the iPod buying public. It basically explains how with updates to the player being practically yearly now, he expects people to buy one iPod a year. Rather pompous one would think. That one being me. Least at first. Yet increasing, unrefutable evidence (like the above image) drops me right into that demographic. So let me get this one line off my chest in order for the healing to begin:

I own 8 iPods.

Ok, I lied. There is no healing. I’d like to think this is a trait to be proud of. The more accurate term would be "I’ve gone through 8 iPods". If my constant evolution of gear tells you anything, it’s that I never get it right the first time. Even the direction of evolution changes over time. What began as a quest to find the right iPod for my needs was ultimately resolved by simply getting an iPod for every need. Who’s the pompous one now? Though there is a simple, logical explanation to all this madness:

I have money to burn. I love music.

It truly is the only constant in my life. Friends, jobs, political regimes. They come and go. Music is teacher, mother, and secret lover. I must have it everywhere. Owning many of these deviced helps facilitate that. I have an on-the-go iPod, a home iPod, even a "stealth" iPod. I get flustered when it runs out of batteries on the droning commute home. So I have an emergency iPod just in case. It’s not stopping anytime soon. I’m looking into getting #9.

No, I do not need help. And no, I will not give you one. Bah, I knew you wouldn’t understand. I shoulda just given you the default deadpan reason why I have’em. "So I can better watch pr0n on the bus".

Maybe I have so many of them only to distract you from the real issue.

Flossing A Dead Horse

To bring you up to speed, a previous post about supposed office hookups caused a mild stir. Consisting of a mix of people either relentlessly asking who those suggestions were, or who else they may suggest. Not exactly unwanted attention. It fun having them guess (yet uncool for them to guess way way wrong, seriously).

But it does remind me of the last time I got involved with someone in the workplace. For the purpose of this entry, not having to do with me forgetting her actual name (I’m not a bad guy, really), we shall call her Banana Girl. I was still working the sales floor at the time. She was a newbie from a different division. I, like many others first noticed her at the company Xmas party playing a suggestive game involving bananas. Hence her nickname. Which I christened her with. Being the holiday season, I was trying to be nice to everyone. In hindsight, I now know that me "being nice" either comes of charming or creepy depending on who you ask. She apparently saw the former. Also, at the time, I couldn’t stop staring at her boobs. But that’s a different story altogether.

Let’s fast forward things a bit. We got along ok at best. But people seem to notice more. It came to settle there until someone opted to play a catalyst of sorts by txting Banana Girl on my behalf, using my phone "make love to me"(!) The mind reels (especially if you knew the person guilty of txting it) but I guess the worse part was Banana Girl’s intricate and descriptive txt reply which read somewhere along the lines of "yes".  "Holy fucking asscrackers!" I said.

Then things really started to unravel and soon I realized that Banana Girl was bat-shit crazy. Her desire to put my banana into her vajayjay notwithstanding, alot of what she said didn’t add up. Details like still being a virgin while having gone through 50 boyfriends? (I know…) She was also remarkably clingy. Fatal Attraction much? She had to go. But how?

Laying it out straight apparently didn’t work. She knew at the time I was already in a relationship. That still didn’t stop her. Repeated attempts got shot down. I realize most guys would want something like this. But not if it’s with Crazy McCrazerton from Crazytown. Drastic times called for drastic methods. God help me.

So what did I do? Not her for one thing! I had called her bluff. She said she wanted it. The plan was to want it too. And want it so much, hopefully it would drive her away. And drive her away it did. I tell you, made perfect sense at the time. And in hindsight worse things could have happened (tell on me, sue for harassment, kill my rabbit) but apparently it worked. Soon after she dropped out and resigned.

I’ve only told select people about this until now, always expecting a hi five that my stupid plan worked (never happens). But now it’s out there so you can all judge me further. But really, I’m a good guy. Honest. I’ve learned from my mistakes and ready to start life anew.  

On a side note, did you notice that all my entry titles are named after songs? Of course you didn’t.

The New Romance

If someone asks ‘Are you ticklish’, it doesn’t matter what you say, they are going to tickle you. If you don’t want to be tickled, you gotta say something like.’ I have diarrhea….now don’t touch me, or your gonna make it come out…..and yes, I’m very ticklish .

Dimitri Martin

I find that when one makes the seemingly innocent observation that you and a peer/colleague of the opposite sex would make a great couple, even if you disagree with it, things still become ridiculously awkward between you and that suggested match. I happen to be in that conundrum now. With no less than 3 people.

It starts with a recently attained single status. Once others get wind of this, they feel it’s their good intention to help you move on by pairing you with someone else. I know. I don’t get it either. Especially now that I’m in the focus of it.

It just gets fantastically tacky trying to wade through it. The same amount of though is required of your future exchanges with this person even if you don’t see her that way. Every word goes under the microscope. Conscious of not wanting to give off too much of an unfavorable impression. Witty retort devolves to monosyllabic responses or ambiguous gestures.

Now I realize some of you dear readers actually are my peers and colleagues. Probably dissecting the above entry for clues as to who it may be. Maybe it’s you! (Dun dun dunnnnn…) The above quote make it easy. If that could have been an acceptable answer. "Hey, you know you and her could make a decent pair."

"No thanks. I have diarrhea."

MULTIPLY’S GREATEST HITS: Making Awkward Situations Even More Awkward

(Originally taken from my Multiply page) 

SCENE: ELEVATOR, 7:15AM, SATURDAY

Myself and a few office mates are en route downstairs to have breakfast. Elevator stops on the 23rd floor and opens to a group of people, indecisive as to whether they should ride or wait for their friends. Group includes a loud pretentious gay person. The argument continues for 10-15 seconds until they ultimately decide to board the elevator due to the growing impatience of the people waiting inside.

GAY PERSON:
Ang tagal nyo! Sakay na tayo!

Upon boarding, their chatter continues.

GAY PERSON:
Tagal nyo kasi eh. Ang tanga pala natin!

Some laughter. I interrupt…

ME:
He’s right.

GAY PERSON:
…

Group turn their attention to me. Begin to whisper amongst each other. I look to my colleagues for affirmation. Elevator opens to the lobby. Everyone exits.

THE END.

This Is All Bigger Than Me

Hullo.

Welcome to my blog. A little space on the interwebs which I am hoping to regularly update with my seemingly insightful yet ultimately senseless drivel I call "thoughts". Thoughts derived from this robotic day-to-day of self-deprecation that I call "life".

Now if you will, I am now going to try and connect the dots in order to answer your question of "why?"

A number of significant events happened at the end of last year forced me to step back and try to re-evaluate my life. A lot of things were not working at the time - severe breakdown in communications with a significant other, constantly burning myself out with work, losing the ability to simply enjoy things. These, I won’t get into in depth but I promise to write about in future posts. Just once I fully understand what happened. They are loose ends for now. Anyway, read the first paragraph of this entry and you would probably get how I tend to walk a fine line between being ridiculously modest or having a really low opinion of myself. That can’t be a good thing right?

The definitive turning point was last year. I was out of town with the family for new years and I found myself constantly bored in my hotel room. How did I quell this? I tried to work. Pulled out my lappy and tried finishing some projects. The severity of the situation that had yet to hit me at that time boggles the mind. If my brain knew any better, it would have forced my body to start convulsing on the floor and foam at the mouth.

I took account into the things I’ve lost and decided to view them instead as liberations in order to help me achieve making that next step in life. Basically to try new things and have more wants. I wanted anticipation, not anxiety. I wanted to look forward more often. One of the positive outcomes of last year was that it left me with a decent amount of scratch. I don’t want to say that money is of no object but I don’t think it’s something that will hinder from anything anytime soon. And I think I’m off to a good start. I’ve started planning numerous trips and activities in order to reconnect to a time where I felt more at ease.

Ultimately, that led to this blog. To try something new as well as to better document what may come. Because no one wants to go through this alone. So I’m cutting you all in on what goes on. Not really foreseeing where it will all end but the journey is already exciting.

So that’s it for this intro / mini-catharsis. I promise to try and be funnier on the next post. So come back whenever.